RAW this week starts with Lilian announcing Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler. He announces the guest host for the night with all his accolades. Out comes Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq climbed through the ropes and joined King. He said hello to the fans and that Labron James said hello. Huge heat for that. He’s thrilled to be in charge or RAW tonight. King said Shaq has things to do with Orton. Shaq said five guys will be in a Beat The Clock Challenge to see who will face Orton. Shaq announce they will be HHH, MVP, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and John Cena. Shaq gets the fans pumped up in a huge way but then Jericho’s music and out he comes in a suit and a pissed off look. Shaq looks annoyed. Jericho right up to Shaq and looks way up. Shaq glares down. Jericho said when he heard the most dominant player in the NBA was hosting, he thought it was Kobe Bryant. Shaq called Jericho Christina and kissed him on the forehead. Jericho went crosseyed then wiped it off. Jericho corrected him and said his name was Chris. Shaq brushed the top of Jericho’s hand with his hand. Jericho went off about being disrespected by the host of RAW. He expected to be catered to and pandered to by everyone on the show, including the guess host. If he doesn’t they’ll have problems. Shaq pushes Jericho’s head back and then leans down to look in Jericho’s face. Jericho says he will do something, introduce Shaq to his new partner the biggest athlete in the world. Big Show comes out in a three suit looking surly but damn nice. Shaq is a tiny bit taller than Big Show. Big Show asks about Shaq trying to intimidate him? He has a better chance of getting two free throws in a row. Shaq says he has a new show called Shaq Vesus where he goes against athletes. He challenges Big Show and calls him “fat boy”. Big Show calls him toothpick and says he’s trying to goad Big Show into doing this. Big Show says after he destroys Shaq then the whole of the NBA will come down on him. Labron James will be on his case and he’ll have to take him down. He doesn’t want all those legal fees, so he won’t fight him. Jericho says he won’t fight him either. Shaq says he knew they wouldn’t but he hired two people who would fight them. Out comes Cryme Tyme. They’re all thugged up and get in the ring flanking Shaq. Jericho and Big Show leave the ring. Shaq says he’ll be the Special Guest Enforcer for the match. He then calls Big Show fat boy and starts a “Christina” chant.
Lilian announces the first Beat The Clock Match. Out comes Mark Henry. Carlito comes out to face him.
Henry didn’t jump as soon as the clock started but as soon as he went after Carlito, Carlito fled the ring. Back in the ring Carlito hid in the ropes to keep Henry from getting him. Carlito attacked from behind but was shoulder blocked down and rolled from the ring. Henry sent Carlito back in but get his finger stomped. Carlito flew onto Henry who caught him and threw him back in. In the ring Henry covered for two. Chops to Henry and then Henry caught Carlito’s fist and slammed him back with that one hand. Henry covered for two. Carlito rolled from the ring and Henry went out after him. Carlito slammed back first into the barrier. Back in Henry covers for two. Slingshot back elbow doesn’t budge Henry! Blows and punches to Henry but then a shoulder block and Carlito is down for another two. Over three minutes and Henry covers again but Carlito’s arm is under the ropes. Carlito slammed down with a kick to the face for two. Henry over Carlito and tries for a bum slam to the mat but Carlito moves. Carlito covers for two. Carlito hangs Henry up in the ropes and takes him down with a dropkick off the ropes. Carlito covers for two. Carlito with a sleeper but Henry backs into a corner and Carlito drops. Headbutt to Carlito for two. Carlito back up on Henry’s back for a sleeper. After a bit Henry backs into a corner to release Carlito. Carlito flies off a corner but Henry catches him. Henry out but Carlito then goes for a back stabber. Carlito lands but Henry on his feet. Worlds strongest slam and Henry gets the three.
– Winner: Mark Henry at 6:49
Henry plays with the fans cheers.
Out back Mickie, Kelly and Gail heading for the ring. Mickie with the new strap over her shoulder.
WWE Rewind – Video of Mickie beating Maryse at NOC last night.
Mickie, Kelly and Gail to the ring. Mickie fell jumping up on the corner. Beth, Fox and Rosa are in the ring. King says Cole has gone out back to try to find Shaq for an interview.
Gail and Beth start out. Forearms to Beth’s face but Beth muscles out and flips Gail to land hard. Gail wraps around Beth’s arms/back. Rosa in and the ref yells at her. Beth with a wrist slam to Gail. Fox tags in and is kicked away. Great back breaker to Gail for two. Rosa tags in and kicks Gail in the gut. Scoop slam to Gail for two. Gail head first into the heel corner. Fox tags in, hits a snap mare and then Gail sends Fox flying with both feet in a beautiful move. Mickie tags in and is Super Cena. Back kick to Fox. Neck breaker to Fox for two. Flying head scissors to Fox. Gail gets the blind tag and takes Fox down hard. Rosa tries to stop the count but Kelly stops her.
– Winners: Mickie, Kelly & Gail
Beth is pissed as the faces celebrate.
Cole asks Shaq what else is in store for the show. Then Hornswoggle is there. Shaq on his knees asks Horny what he said about coming into his office. They hug and Shaq says they went to high school together. Shaq has Horny dunk a basketball and somehow knocks himself out. Shaq shook his head and says he’s always been like that. Cole says that was Shaq-A-Liscious. Shaq is annoyed but finally gives Cole knucks before leaving.
Beat The Clock Match. MVP comes out to the ring. King berates Cole for his comments to Shaq. Chris Masters comes out looking much better an less ‘roided than before. He have a Masterlock motion as he got in the ring.
Master on MVP hard and gets a couple of quick two counts. Masters is whipped but gets a foot up. MVP drops out of the masterlock attempt and pins for two. Huge clothesline from Masters. Suplex to MVP for two. Punches to MVP’s head. Knee to MVP’s gut and then MVP telegraphs. MVP gets free of the pin attempt. Forearms to Masters in a corner. “MVP” chants. MVP flips Masters for two. Huge clothesline to Masters for two. MVP keeps trying to pin Master but can’t get the three. MVP tossed from the ring and Masters follows. Forearms to MVP but he comes back briefly. Masters does everything he can to keep MVP from the ring. Masters lock on the masterlock outside and it’s a double count out.
– Winner: Double count out!!!
MVP is pissed. The ref has to keep MVP from going after Masters up the ramp.
The Brian Kendrick in the ring. Kofi comes out to face him. Brian verbally attacks King for embarrassing him last week and threatens to slap King until he cries.
The bell rings and Brian is still screaming at King. A dropkick from Kofi and he pins Brian for three. Brian was still in his jacket.
– Winner: Kofi
Brian lays on the mat as Kofi celebrates and King laughs.
Out back HHH is heading for the ring. Ted attacks HHH from behind with a pipe to the leg.
Cody out to the ring. Stills from the Three Way Match at NOC. HHH very slowly down the ramp to the ring.
Cody goes after HHH’s leg. Kick to Cody’s gut. Headlock takeover to Cody. HHH keeps the headlock on tight. High knee to Cody and then another headlock takeover. Punches to Cody in a corner. HHH knocks Cody down. Cody rolls from the ring and pulls HHH to the mat. Cody slams HHH’s leg around the ring post. Cody back in corking over the leg. “HHH” chants. Drop toe hold to HHH. Cody keeps working over the leg, over and over! Boots to Cody’s jaw and he checks the clock. Cody off the corner with an elbow to the back of HHH’s head. Cody covers for two. Cody flies but runs into HHH’s good leg. HHH sets up for the pedigree but Cody hits a chop block. Figure four from Cody. HHH reverses but has to leg go due to the pain in his leg. Cody shoulder first into the ringpost. Clothesline to Cody. HHH comes back with punches and then a spinebuster with 33 seconds left. Ted on the apron screaming at HHH to hit him. Cody into Ted who flies. Pedigree and HHH starts to roll Cody over at one second left.
– Winner: HHH didn’t beat the clock
Ted helps Cody up the ramp as he holds his head. Ted is all smiles. HHH in the ref’s face arguing.
Shaq is playing Scrabble with Santino. Santino demands to know how Shaq got so many “Q’s” in the game. They go back and forth. Cryme Tyme in to talk to Shaq. They go all thug on each other and are very in character. “Money money, yeah yeah!” Santino goes thug and raps, but is so bad! Shad tells him to leave, but all good natured.
Hornswoggle to the ring. Chavo to the ring. Lilian says Shaq decided that Chavo has to compete blindfolded. The new ref gives Chavo the mask/bag to put over his head. He looks like a foreign prisoner!
Chavo tossed from the ring. Chavo climbs back in. Chavo feels his way around the ring but is then send into a turnbuckle face first. Horny tries to pin but Chavo’s too wiggly. Chavo ends up on the ref who’s screaming, “I’m the ref, I’m the ref, back off!” School boy to Chavo for two. Chavo gets Horny up but can’t slam and falls. Horny pins for two. Dropkick to Horny. Chavo fins Horny, but doesn’t pin. Chavo to a corner and then to his knees, and measures out when Horny is even though Horny laid down to let Chavo think he was still down. Chavo climbs as Horny tells the fans to be quiet. Chavo flies and lands on the mat. Horny climbs and hits the tadpole for three.
Out back Orton gets ready for his match. Swagger comes in. He says he has good an bad news. Bad news is HHH didn’t beat the clock, good news is he will. Orton says that’s a good thing? Swagger says he’s bigger, stronger and faster. Orton should be scared. Swagger leaves and Henry comes in. Henry glares at Orton, smiles, then glares again. Orton walks off.
Jack Swagger to the ring for his Beat The Clock Match. Evan Bourne to the ring to face Swagger.
Evan up on Jack’s shoulder then tossed off. Punches to Evan’s face. Evan is slammed back hard by Jack in an ugly way! Jack covers for two. Arm hold on Evan. Knee to Evan’s chest. Suplex to Evan for two. Suplex to Evan for two – again! Evan on Jack’s shoulder as Jack runs but Evan pushes off and Jack eats the corner. Evan climbs but Jack grabs him and sends him flying across the ring for two. Jack pins for two, twice. Evan somehow, with a DDT type move, rolls Jack up in a small package for three.
– Winner: Evan Bourne!
Jack is pissed in the ring. He has a meltdown about the loss.
King and Cole go through HHH’s match.
Josh with HHH. He says it’s Ted and Cody’s personal mission to keep HHH from winning the championship. HHH says he’s mad at himself. The whole time he’s been going after Orton. The tail wags the dog. If not for Cody and Ted, there wouldn’t be an Orton. Next week Cody and Ted need to face HHH. HHH asks that sometimes in life you comes across someone you shouldn’t screw with. HHH is that guy!
Miz out to the ring with a mic in hand. He starts talking on his way out. He says he’s a Cleveland Cavaliers fan. He says Shaq should sit out every time they play the Wizards, because the Cavs will win. Same with the Red Skins. Just let the clock run out, tick tock, tick tock. That’s exactly what’s going to happen to Cena. Can Miz do it? To quote someone the fans voted to office, who’s failing miserably, “Yes, I can!”
Cena out to the ring.
Miz tries to stay out of Cena’s reach, bouncing away from him all the time. Cena gets annoyed but Miz keeps up running out the clock. Miz from the ring to taunt Cena. Miz doesn’t want to be counted out, but doesn’t want to get back in. Miz back in at nine. Cena on the attack beating the heck out of Miz. A quick pin for two. Miz from the ring and Cena gives chase. Clothesline to Miz outside. Miz into the ring but Cena holds his leg and tries for the STF. Kick to Cena’s gut then Cena shoulder first into the ringpost. Miz pins Cena for two. Miz keeps a hold on Cena as Orton watches closely from ringside. A small “Cena sucks” chant. Cena tossed from the ring and Miz follows. Cena into the steps. 3:22 left. The ref is at five as the ref counts him out. Cena back in at nine. Miz ties Cena up in the ropes and then takes the verbal lashing from Miz. Miz lays down on the mat and mocks Cena. Cena gets free and grabs Miz’s ankle before he can get away. Cena locks on the STF. Miz taps.
– Winner: Super Cena
Orton in the ring. Cena talks smack to him and smiles.
Out back Shaq is heading to the ring.
Shaq out to the ring in zebra stripes. Jericho is next to the ring. Big Show rounds out the team. Cryme Tyme out to face them.
Jeriho kicks out at Shaq rather than going after JTG. They lock up. Side headlock on JTG. Shoulder block to JTG. They run the ropes and JTG hits a flying shoulder block to Jericho. JTG then rode Jericho’s head down in a leg drop. Jericho face first to the mat and JTG covers for two. Jericho gets a cheap punch to JTG. Jericho bounces JTG’s face of Big Show’s foot. Big Show tags in and gets a side headlock on JTG. Chest slap to JTG. Full nelson on JTG and Big Show talks smack to Shaq. Shaq stares back unfazed. JTG tossed unceremoniously aside and Shaq still stares. Huge spear to JTG who rolls from the ring. Big Show uses a hand on JTG’s head to pull him into the ring. Jericho tags in and stomps JTG. Jericho talks smack to Shaq. JTG tries to get to Shad but Jericho stops him. Jericho slams JTG down and pins for two. Head/arm lock on JTG. The fans start getting into it on Shad’s urgings. JTG wraps around Jericho and pulls him down. JTG trying to get to Shad. Shaq pulls JTG by his ankle to the corner. Shad tags in. Shad gets Jericho high over his head and drops him to the mat. Jericho tries to lock on the walls but can’t. Shad gets Jericho on his shoulder but can’t do anything. JTG tags in. Shad has Jericho up and they double team Jericho. JTG pins Jericho but Big Show breaks up the pin. Big Show in and keeps beating on Cryme Tyme. Th ref calls for the bell.
– Winners: Cryme Tyme via DQ
Big Show keeps beating on them. Big Show sets up for a double chokeslam but then stares at Shaq. He tosses them aside and calls Shaq in. Shaq rips off his shirt and in. Shaq slaps Big Show. Big Show locks his hand on Shaq for a chokeslam and squeezes. Shaq locks his hand on Big Show’s neck! Cryme Tyme each kick Big Show in the gut from each side of Shaq. Full body block from Shaq and Big Show goes down hard. Big Show rolls from the ring. Big Show and Jericho back up the ramp seething. Shaq and Cryme Tyme celebrate in the ring. Shaq starts to chase them up the ramp to make them leave.